Nowhere is Safe

Tonight I was just getting to sleep and Barb attacked me.  She grabbed me on the sides hard and started shaking me.  I told her about it in the morning and she said she was having a dream in which her mother was poking her. So she grabbed her mother by the shoulders and started to shake her.  I told her that I am thinking of moving into the spare bedroom.

Closes at 5 pm

Barb told me a number of times that I had to remind her to go to Sam's Club early to get dinner because it closes at 5 pm on Sundays.  Then she finally went out to Sam's and came home mad at me for not thinking to tell her that it was Saturday and she didn't have to rush.

New iPad

Barb bought me a new used iPad that is about 4 generations later than the iPad that came with the house.  I was having problems reading my magazines from the library on my old iPad.  However, my new iPad has trouble picking up the wifi in the bedroom.  So I use my new iPad in the livingroom and my old iPad in the bedroom.  I save most of the emails I receive in folders and the new iPad makes a recommendation of the file I would want to save it in and it is almost always the right file.  However, when I read my email in bed, I get annoyed because with my old iPad I have to manually save my emails in files.

Charging

Barb has many charging cords around the house to charge her phone because there is something wrong with her battery and it doesn't hold a charge.  Today she plugged in her phone and it didn't charge.  She thought there was something really wrong with her phone until she realized the cord wasn't plugged into the outlet.

Easter Party

Barb got home from the Easter Party with her pickleball friends and realized that she had her dress on backwards.

Pi

We went to a party tonight and I was pretty quiet as I usually am around Barb's friends.  Somehow we started talking about Pi and I started to explain how Pi is the ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter.  One of the ladies said she noticed how I lit up when I was talking about Pi.  Barb said you should hear him talk about his graphs, it makes my heart flutter.  From then on, whenever I wanted Barb to look at one of my graphs, she made a fluttering movement with her hand over her heart.

Headphones

When I listen to music on my computer, if I am listening to the speakers and plug in the headphones the sound doesn't stop coming out of the speakers and no sound comes out of the headphones.  So I have to remember to plug my headphones in before I turn on my computer or restart my computer if I forget.  Today, I was listening to music on my computer and had my headphones on. After many hours of music, I realized that I was listening to the music through the speakers the whole time and there was no sound coming out of my headphones.

Not Safe Anywhere

I was in bed reading my iPad and Barb was asleep beside me.  All of a sudden, she punched me in the head.  It was a hard punch and really hurt.  I thought maybe I should sleep in the spare bedroom.

Memory

The pickleball girls are still using my schedules until they figure out the new app.  Again Barb came home upset about the way it worked.  Barb ended being on the same court with one lady three out the eight games.  I wanted to see how that happened.  So we tried to review the days' games.  Barb wracked her brain for quite a while trying to remember the names of the ladies that came out to play today.  She knew there were 13 ladies but she could only remember 12 names.  Finally I realized she had not counted herself.

213 Pages

I printed out a 213 page document and as it was printing I was watching the printer tray and it was running out of paper.  I was very happy when I had exactly the right amount of paper in the paper tray to print all 213 pages.  I was lucky because many times if the printer runs out paper while printing the paper gets jammed.

Daddy

Barb accidently called me Dad in front of her friend Cassandra and Cassandra made fun of it saying Daddy must be something naughty that Barb calls me when she is alone with me.

Reply All

The hockey pool organizer sends out an organization wide email before the hockey pool to see if anyone new wants to join the hockey pool this year.  Once the people who want to participate in the pool have been identified, he sends out an new email with just the addresses of the participants.  However, Barb didn't understand the nuances of these emails and she sent a personal email as a Reply All to the first invitation email and it went to all the employees at the office not just the participants of the hockey pool.

Hockey Pool Divorce

A pickleball instructor came out to the courts this morning and after the regular play, Barb stayed around to get some individual instruction.  She stayed about an extra hour because she knew I had a late ball game and would not be home for a while.  As she was driving casually home, she looked at the clock in the car and noticed it was around 12:15 and she realized she had forgotten about the hockey pool draft at 12:30.  She was more than 20 minutes away from home.  So she rushed home and jumped out of her sweaty pickleball cloths and into a housedress and grabbed the phone and her draft list to get to the conference call.  Fortunately, it took a while for the guys to get organized for the draft and she wasn't late.  We might have to get divorced if she had missed the hockey pool draft after I had worked for two weeks to implement her new strategy.

Conference ID

Barb got the email from the hockey pool organizer telling the out of towners how to get on the conference call for the draft.  On the day of the draft, I was leaving for my ball game and noticed the draft list on the counter that was turned upside down and had the phone number to call to get on the conference call.  When I saw the phone number, I realized she had not written down the conference ID number that was needed to get to the right conference call.  So I looked up the email and wrote conference ID on the paper beside the phone number.  Barb would never have figured out how to get to the right conference call if she didn't have the conference ID.

Playoff Game

My softball team ended in third place and got a bye in the first round of the playoffs.  Then we had another day off because of rain.  Finally we played our first playoff game against one of the weaker teams.  We lost 19-4 in five innings.  In fact, all of the top 3 teams lost their first playoff game and were out of the playoffs early.

Out of Paper

I ran out of paper and printer ink almost at the same time but was lucky that it was after I had finished printing the hockey pool draft list.

Wrong File

I will often save files in the cloud by emailing them to myself.  Today I sent what I thought was the final version of the hockey pool draft list.  Then I forgot to save the file.  It turned out that I had sent an old version after discussing the file with Barb for quite a long time and not believing her that she was talking about the file that I sent her.  So I had to generate a new file and send it again.

Hockey Pool Program

I worked for two weeks on the hockey pool program to implement Barb's new strategy.  Then I found out I had a softball game at the same as the player draft.  So Barb had to do the draft by herself.  She was very nervous and I had to explain in great detail how to use my list.

Christmas

Tonight I dreamt I had to dress up as Santa Claus but wearing my CPAP mask.  I woke up thinking it was Christmas but it was April and it was just cold in the bedroom.

App

Barb found out that her friend in Ottawa and her son had written an app to do pickleball scheduling and it was probably better than my schedules.  It is able to guarantee you never played with the same partner until you've played with everyone who is at the courts.  My schedules can not guarantee that.  Also her program can handle players arriving late or leaving early.  Although I tried to handle players arriving late, my schedules cannot handle people leaving early.  So my month's work on Barb's pickleball scheduling was a waste of time.

Who's Your Partner?

Barb thought Gayle must have been tired because when she was texting Barb asking Barb when she was going back to Canada.  Barb said right after the tourney.  Gayle asked what tourney? Barb said the US Open.  Gayle asked who is your partner?  Barb said you are!