Ivan and Barb in Retirement: 2022

Saturday, 31 December 2022

Earbuds

I broke one of my new earbuds today, and when I tried to fix it, I put it back together wrong. Now I have two left earbuds.

Old Man

I felt like an old man today when I said I had two things to say and could only remember one.

Whenever I used to go out for dinner, I would order fish and chips because Barb never cooked them for me. Now Barb regularly makes fish and chips for dinner, and Barb says she only likes fish and chips because of the tartar sauce. I was grossed out tonight when Barb tried to get the last of the tartar sauce out of the bottle with her fingers.

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

For the first time, I won the Workweek Hustle on the family Fitbit Challenge or everyone else lost.

Glasses

Barb has taken to wearing two pairs of reading glasses simultaneously because the numbers on her phone are so small.

Phone Call

We had to phone the receptionist to get let into the doctor's office, and Barb was with me. She misread the number on the sign and called some guy in Gatineau. It was a strange conversation.

35th Wedding Anniversary

Laura phoned us today and we told her it was our 35th wedding anniversary. Not only did she not know it was our 35th wedding anniversary, she didn't even know it was our anniversary. It was a total coincidence that she phoned us that day.

Another Nook

I was buying another Nook. Barb was asking me questions while I was buying it on eBay. I ordered it but somehow didn't pay for it. When Barb went to pick it up, the seller said I didn't pay, and Barb argued with him. Then she phoned me, and I got online and found out I didn't pay for it. So Barb had to find $20 to pay for it because she pays for everything with her credit card, and the seller couldn't take a credit card. She had to scramble and use the US quarters in the car we used to pay for the toll roads when we were in Florida. He was happy to take them because they were more valuable than Canadian money.

Stan

I meet on Zoom with a friend in Ottawa every Tuesday at 1:30 pm, and I set up the meeting every Sunday afternoon. Today when I set up the session, I set it up for 1:30 am by accident.

Upside Down

Today I thought Barb looked funny and noticed she was wearing her reading glasses upside down.

Insert

Barb noticed her foot was hurting a lot lately. Her feet never hurt because she wears inserts in her shoes. Today, when she went to check the insert in her shoe, she realized there was no insert.

Toaster

I have a bagel with cream cheese every morning for breakfast. This morning the toaster wouldn't stay down. I tried over and over again. I thought, oh no, we would need a new toaster. Then I noticed it wasn't plugged in. I didn't know it wouldn't stay down if it's not plugged in—you learn something new every day.

Garbage Day

In New Hamburg, our garbage is only picked up every two weeks, and our recycling is picked up every week. I took the trash out, but I told barb I thought it wasn't garbage week. She said no, she keeps track of it on her calendar. The next day the garbage wasn't picked up, but there was a nice note on the trash bag in the morning. Barb had forgotten to flip the calendar to the new week.

Kumar

Tonight I got a message that Kumar in Japan was waiting for me at 11 pm Sunday. We were supposed to meet on Monday night and Tuesday morning in Japan, but he thought we were meeting on Sunday night, which was Monday morning in Japan.

London, Ontario

Barb wonders why we have a GPS in the car, but we never use it. One day she got lost coming home from Cambridge, about a half-hour's drive away, and ended up on the highway heading to London, Ontario, an hour away.

Flipped

Sarah gave me her old laptop that I had turned into a Linux computer. I was looking for the headphone jack one day and lifted the laptop, and the screen flipped upside down. I had a terrible time figuring out how to get the screen back right-side up.

Homer-Watson Boulevard

Kitchener has a major street called Homer-Watson Boulevard, but everyone refers to it as just Homer-Watson except Barb, who calls it Homer-Simpson. She doesn't do it as a joke, though.

Instruction Booklet

I bought my sister a Nook e-book reader, but she didn't know how to use it. I told her that the Nook came with an Instruction Booklet on it. But then I realized you have to be able to use the Nook to read the booklet.

One Earbud

I have been going to sleep at night listening to music on my iPod Shuffle. The next day, I heard a little voice while working on my computer. I put in one of my earbuds and heard nothing, but then I put in the other earbud and found my iPod had been playing all day, but only one earbud was working.

Glasses

I went to get my eyes tested today and I forgot to take my glasses off but fortunately they fell off when I sat down.

Sarah and Ali's New Home

Sarah and Ali closed the deal on their own house and it was in New Hamburg about a 45 minute walk from our house. We were so happy for them and for us to be so close to them.

Saturday, 21 May 2022

Mugs

Sarah came over with presents today. She gave us both coffee mugs with our names on them. Mine was really nice, and it was green and had a baseball on it along with my name. I didn't notice that it said Grampa Ivan until I found an ultrasound picture in the mug.

Record

I was asked to give a presentation at a Colombian conference on energy. It was a virtual conference, and I was supposed to record a video of my presentation. They would post it on the conference Slack page. So I prepared my slides and text for my presentation, and then I did it, but I forgot to press the record button. So I had to do it all over again. I did it better the second time.

Lifehacker

I get a newsletter from Lifehacker every day, and I find out many great things like how to reheat leftover pizza to make it nice and crusty. Anyway, today I found an article about how to fix an Android update that had screwed up all my Apps. What a fabulous newsletter!

Library

My sister needed help getting an audiobook out of her library. So she gave me her card number and password so I could do it for her. Then one day, I was looking for a new book, and I looked on her library website, and it was there but not in my library. So I put it on hold, worried that my sister wouldn't like me to use her library account. But when I emailed her, she said she was okay with it.

Thought Experiment

I mentioned to a team I was working with that I felt that the simulation we were working on was like a thought experiment. I meant it well because I thought the computer enhances our thinking and makes it more precise. My team members had never heard of the idea before. One of them looked it up on Wikipedia and found out that Einstein's Theory of Relativity was a thought experiment. Another of my team members thought it was a good term. But one of the team members took offence and said she didn't want to be part of a thought experiment, and she wanted to do social science. We went back and forth a few times in private emails, and then suddenly, I got a lot of cancellations of our future meetings.

Rob Brown

This guy Rob Brown walks around the park in the afternoon and stops and talks to everyone he meets. Something about him just seems a little off but he appears very gentle. Anyway, he gave Barb an iPhone4, thinking it was an iPhone7. Of course, I couldn't do anything with it. But it was nice of him to give it to us.

iPad

Barb got an iPad from a lady in the community who didn't know how to reset it to factory settings and gave us access to all of her stuff so we could do it.

Facebook

Barb has been putting requests on the Morningside Facebook page and is getting a lot of good stuff from our good neighbours.

Stake

We have a stake in the garden to show the people who plow the snow where our garden starts. So they don't plow away all of Barb's perennials. Today Barb was pulling the stake out and almost gave herself a black eye.

Surprise

Laura sent us a picture of something I had never seen before but had always feared would happen. She went to Mr. Lube for an oil change, and the guy directed her into the shop, and her car fell in the pit. That must have happened before because somehow, they knew how to get her out.

Power Surge

We had a power surge in the house, the CD player started changing CDs, and the radio in my office went off. Then when I turned it back on, the volume was really high.

Spy

Barb's Yahtzee family has a special agent the sneaks into other families to spy on them. This is serious stuff.

Caught in the Act

There is this one lady on Yahtzee that hates Barb for cheating. She has written to Barb and told her she will report her to the Yahtzee App makers and get her account removed. Barb blocked her, and Barb said she should just learn how to cheat too. All's fair in love and Yahtzee.

iPod Touch

I walk sometimes and like to listen to music. But I put audiobooks on my phone in the Music folder. So I thought they would get confused. I have two iPod Shuffles that I have music on, and I like that music and didn't want to remove it. So I was looking for another device with different music on it and found an old iPod Touch. It had a baseball cover, and when I charged it, I found out it had Barb's email account. I don't know how Barb got an iPod Shuffle with a baseball cover.

More Phones

Barb now has four phones, two Androids and two iPhones. She uses them to cheat at Yahtzee. She has learned that you can submit two games simultaneously, and it will double your score. She is now trying to triple her score and even quadruple her score if she can find a way to push four buttons on four phones simultaneously.

Phones

I gave my sister audiobooks to listen to, and I gave her an MP3 player to listen to them on. But my sister was now interested in getting one of my old phones to listen to books on and be able to turn it off and not lose her place if she is interrupted. We have many old phones, and we don't even know where they came from.

Glasses

I have difficulty seeing many things close up with my glasses for distance. Today, I was filing some papers and took my glasses off and put them on the floor beside me while I was on my hands and knees because I only have a low two-drawer filing cabinet. When I stood up, I stepped back and didn't step on my glasses.

Shortened Walk

I was up until 6 am working on a presentation for the next day. But I have multiple meetings on the same day, and between sessions, I like to go for a walk to clear my mind. Today, Barb joined me, and we were walking around the park for the second time, and she asked me how far we had walked. So I looked at my Fitbit and saw the time. Then I remembered suddenly that my meeting at 6 pm had been changed to 5 pm. So I rushed home and was 10 minutes late for the meeting, and they were all waiting for my presentation. I am really lucky Barb asked me how far we had walked or I would have missed the meeting altogether.

iPad Alarm

I keep forgetting about my meetings or getting the time wrong. So Barb told me to set my alarm on my iPad. Half the time, Barb hears my alarm, and I don't, and she brings me my iPad from another room with my alarm going off. Today my alarm went off at 5:15 for a 5:30 meeting, but I thought it was a 6 pm meeting and turned off my alarm. Then I was late for my 5:30 meeting. It is not a perfect system.

Straw

My dentist told me that the Diet Coke I was drinking so much was causing problems with the enamel on my teeth. So I asked what I could drink instead. She said water and milk. Well, that wasn't a great answer. So I asked her what else I could do, and she said I could drink my Diet Coke with a straw and not swish it another my mouth. So I started using a straw. And Barb bought me a whole pack of straws. But Laura thought straws were terrible for the environment. So she bought me a package of metal straws for Christmas. But I keep misplacing them. Today I searched for my straw in the morning in my pyjamas and couldn't find it. Then later, when I got dressed, I discovered the straw under my clothes on the chest.

Barb's Bic

Barb is always amazed how I can finish all the ink in my Bic pens. She has never met anyone who finishes a Bic pen, and everyone she ever met loses their pen before it is finished. Anyway, today, Barb was so proud she finished her first Bic pen.

Scarfing

Barb was scarfing down some pretzels from the counter and accidently ate some of my medicine capsules.

Saturday, 5 March 2022

Coffee Cups

Sarah gave us presents of coffee cups. Mine was green and had my name and a baseball, and I didn't notice it said, Grampa Ivan.

Listen

I read an article on how to get your 10-year old to stop rambling about his online video game, and I thought it might help me with Barb and her Yahtzee. But there was no way to do it, and you had to listen to them to show that you love them.

Popups

Haleigh and Sarh suggested a website called Soap2Day to watch television on. I set it up with an ad blocker, but it stopped working. Barb wanted to show me the popups. So I watched with Barb, and a popup of a naked lady on a couch came up. It is a sketchy website, and I needed to set up a better ad blocker.

Gum

Barb chews gum while we walk and throws out the gum afterward. I made coffee and shook the grounds into the garbage, and the gum stuck to the filter basket. Then I made coffee with gum on it, and Barb found it and used goo gone to get the gum off.

Midnight

My Nigerian lady set up our weekly meeting at midnight instead of noon.

Hatch

Barb took the cover off the SUV hatch to fit the chair in the trunk and put it on the roof of the Toyota. The next day our neighbor Barry found it on the road and brought it over.

Recording

I tried to video my presentation using Zoom, and Barb walked into my office. At the same time, I was recording because my alarm on my iPad went off.

Chair

Barb bought a big chair at Costco because her lounge chair sheds fake leather. She wanted to back the SUV into the driveway using the back camera on the car. Still, the driveway was all white with the snow, and she tried about 10 times to get the suitable space between the garden and my red car. Then she almost hit the garage.

Appointment

My glasses keep falling down my nose. So I went to get my glasses adjusted at the optician in New Hamburg that I had never been to. I sat there and watched a lady spend a half-hour trying to find me as a patient in the computer system because everyone who goes in is supposed to have an appointment. I wasn't in the system. So she snuck me in.

Nose

I slept in my chair because my CPAP mask hurt my nose and infected the cut. Barb took time off her Yahtzee to take pictures of my nose and sent them to the doctor. Then she called the CPAP store and got some great information about new masks. She is always taking care of me.

Lost

I thought I had lost all my little notes with my blog ideas on them. Then I found them on top of my electric pencil sharpener, and then I wrote a little note about finding them.

Bang

I got up from my office chair to go to the bathroom, and Barb was in the other bathroom. There was a big bang. Barb thought I fell, and I thought Barb fell. But it was actually the filing cabinet drawers had slid open, and the filing cabinet had fallen over, and all the things on top of the cabinet came crashing to the floor.

Pocket

Barb wanted to listen to my audiobook while we walked together. She found a breast pocket on my reflective vest to put the phone, so we could play the audiobook, and she could hear it too.

New App

Barb has been complaining about her friends being on the new Yahtzee leagues and her not. She kept harassing the developers to upgrade her to be with her friends, and they didn't understand her problem. Her problem turned out that she didn't know how to update the App in the Google Store. Ivan showed her how and then she was so happy. But then she found that the new App used too much RAM to be able to play two games at the same time from her two accounts. So now she has gotten out her old phone and wants to install one of the Apps on it and play with two phones simultaneously.

Nesting

Barb was cleaning up the house and found an Easter egg Sarah had left for us years ago, and I said she was nesting.

Charger

Barb uses the portable battery charger Laura gave her all the time to charge her phone and play Yahtzee at the same time. She was running around the house screaming that she couldn't find her battery charger and her phone was going to die. It was on the stove right beside its usual place on the counter, but she couldn't see it because the charger was white and the stovetop was white.

Resolutions

Barb spent the day walking around the house, reading her ebook to clear her plugged nose. She was completing two New Year's Resolutions simultaneously, reading and walking.

Confetti

I was punching holes in a 240-page document when the hole punch bottom fell off, and all the confetti got all over my wireless keyboard. It took me a long time to get the confetti out from between the keys.

Good One

Barb said something that I thought was funny, but Barb didn't. I said "Good One," but she didn't laugh, which made it even funnier to me.

Wireless

Sarah was upset that I had destroyed my old laptop. So she gave me a wireless keyboard and mouse, and I set them up in my office. Then I put a plastic bag over my keyboard for extra safety. Now I can drink things at my desk and not worry.

Patty-Cake

Barb's old friend Patty phoned my cell phone while I was out walking and I didn't answer it the first time she called, but when she phoned back immediately, I thought it might be necessary. I talked to her for quite a while. She wanted to speak with Barb and Barb, and I used to share my cell phone before Barb got a cell phone of her own. So Patty only had my number. She said she was worried about us because we caught Covid. When I told Barb about the call, she was amazed at how the word got around because Barb didn't want anyone to know we had caught Covid.

Kettle

I make a cup of Tim Horton's instant coffee in the morning and really enjoy it, and it tastes just like the coffee you buy at the Tim Hortons shop. Today the kettle blew a short while preparing my coffee, and I left a note for Barb. Then while I was mentoring, Barb had time to go to the Thrift Shop across the road and buy another one.

Albums

I have subscribed to an app called Freegal at two of my libraries to download 5 mp3 files containing songs from their collection of albums. I have been downloading many Bob Dylan songs, but the selection of albums that I get to choose from each week appears to be random. Then today, I noticed the button above the random album selections that said all albums. When I clicked it, all of the Bob Dylan albums in the collection were displayed, and I could choose from whichever I wanted to. That makes it so much easier to downtown the albums.

I have been using WhatsApp to communicate with my mentees all over the World. They can use it to phone and wake me up if I sleep through a meeting. I was playing with WhatsApp at 4 am in the morning and saw a phone call from Pakistan. So I pushed a message and accidentally phoned him back.

Caught Up With Me

Avon Park finally caught up with me and canceled my library card because I hadn't lived there for 3 years. But my Ottawa library card is still valid, and I haven't lived there in 5 years.

Executive Decision

I spilled water on the keyboard of my laptop at night, and then in the morning, it wouldn't turn on. I took it to the computer shop downtown. They said they would look at it and phone me with an estimate the next day. They called while I was out for my walk and told Barb it was irreparable. So Barb made the executive decision to surprise me with a new computer. She went to the shop and picked out a fabulous computer that was an upgrade from what I had before, and the shop transferred my old system onto the number computer. Then she brought it home and surprised me with an early Christmas present before I got home from my walk.

Bifocals

Barb uses reading glasses to read her ebook and read on the computer, but the numbers on her phone for her Yahtzee are so small that she has to use two pairs of glasses simultaneously. This gives new meaning to bifocals.

Sunday, 6 February 2022

Short

I was going for a walk, but it was freezing outside. So I decided to wear my pajama pants under my regular pants. But my pajama pants were so short-legged that I could hardly put the bottoms in my socks to keep them down my leg.

Out of Sight

Haleigh complained that she didn't get to see me during the Yahtzee game, but I kept out of the camera because I was still in my pajamas and had major bedhead.

Screenshot

I figured out how to do a screenshot and sent Laura a Far Side cartoon about llamas.

Walk

We walked around the community for Barb's birthday to see the Christmas lights. Then we walked through the McDonalds Drive-Thru.

Bother

After shopping at Costco and packing the fridge, Barb was all hot and bothered. She sat down to play Yathzee, and I was looking at her, wondering whether I should ask her if her glasses were upside down.

Zoom

Barb was complaining all month about this Zoom Birthday Party that she wanted to go to at 8:30 in the morning. On the day of the party, she got up early because she wasn't too sure how to use Zoom. Her computer had to restart because of an update, and then Firefox had to do an update. Finally, she got on Zoom and was waiting in the room. Then the host kicked her out. So she messaged her. The host told Barb the party was at 8:30 pm.

Christmas Lights

Barb wondered why our neighbour put up his Christmas lights this year. Then she realized that we were never here at Christmas to see them.

Bic

Barb's favourite Bic pen still had lots of in, but the casing was broken. So she asked if I had any old empty pens that she could take the case off. Of course, I keep all my Bic pens because I am so proud to use up all the ink in them. So she took the ink from her broken pen and put it in my old casing. I knew those old empty pens would come in handy someday.

OOMA

Barb has a lucky streak. She found out she could get her phone messages on our OOMA landline by dialling our phone number.

Survivor

Barb's Yathzee family was very complimentary because she won Survivor three times in a row, whatever that means.

Messenger

Barb needed to get into a Yathzee family messenger group. The lady was looking for her on Facebook, and she asked, "Are you married to Ivan?"

Muffins

Barb made egg McMuffins for dinner, and when she took the English muffins out of the toaster, she saw mould on them. She removed the model and served the muffins with holes in them.

Toilets

Barb thought she needed to clean the toilets because Sarah and Haleigh were coming to play Yathzee, but they were playing virtually.

Phone

In my sleep, I asked Barb to bring the phone into the bedroom before she left for Pickleball. Then I was woken by a phone call from a lady who wanted to take some of Barb's Chinese lanterns.

Amy Nutter

A lady was looking for Barb on Facebook, but there were many Barb Taylors. Barb sent her to a friend with a strange name and told her to look at that person's friends. Then she found Barb.

Razor

I wrote an email about Ockham's Razor or Occam's Razor, and I didn't know which spelling was correct. So I looked it up and found out both were correct.

Yaris

I thought the Yaris car doors were locked, but they were just stuck because they haven't been opened all year.

Slump

I read in Lifehacker today about a 3-step process to overcome a reading slump. The first step was to start with an audiobook (while walking the dog or doing the dishes). The last step was to read a book with a deadline life before a TV or movie adaptation comes out. I do both of those things, and they don't help.

Yathzee

Barb found a new way to win at her internet Yahtzee. She said it was a "revolution". I told you to mean "revelation".

Chip Bags

It is funny how Barb, Laura, and Sarah close the potato chip bags differently. Barb does a triangle, and Laura rolls down the top. And Sarah makes the top into a ponytail.

Water

I was relaxing after doing the dishes before bed in my blue lounge chair with a glass of cold water and fell asleep and spilled cold water all over my pajamas.

Small World

My Nigerian mentee's PhD supervisor is a professor at a university in India for half the year and at Carleton for half the year. It is a small world.

Crumbs

Last night I was eating some crumbs at the bottom of the potato chip bag and I dropped some crumbs down my shirt. Then I spent the next few minutes trying to get the crumbs out of my belly button.

Devil

They say you learn something new every day. I knew the expression as "devil-may-care", not "devil-make-care."

Dentist

Sarah was looking for a dentist and found all of these strange reviews on the internet. Then she looked at his website and Instagram page, and she found this hilarious English dentist in Guelph who sings and dances and tells jokes while working on your teeth.

Buns

Barb found hamburger buns down the side of the fridge beside the wall, and they had fallen off the top months ago.

Watch

My watch battery died during our walk with Sarah, and Barb charged it when I got home. Then in the evening, she took it off the charger and gave it to me, but she didn't look at the time. I was up until 5 am with my mentee from Nigeria, and in the morning, I woke up at 9 am but didn't get out of bed until 11 am. Barb said I really slept in. I didn't understand why she would say that. Later she mentioned it was 3 pm when I got up. I looked at the clock on the stove and realized my watch needed to be synced.

Walk

Sarah surprised us by coming to the door at 4:30 pm after work. She took us for a walk. When I got home, I had a message on the answering machine. It was from my doctor. I had missed my phone appointment after the receptionist had just reminded me about it the day before.

Flashlight

While I was walking tonight, a guy in a golf cart stopped and told me my flashlight was on in my pocket. I have the darndest time turning on and off that flashlight.

Chips

I like to eat a bowl of potato chips in the dark in my office before bed. But I have been finding chip fragments all over the house in the morning, and one was even on my Linux computer keyboard.

Not Quite

My Nigerian mentee kept saying "Not Quite," and I didn't understand why he kept saying that when I asked him if he had read something or done something. Then I realized he meant to say "Not Yet".

Reading

I noticed I am getting confused a lot. Especially when I read aloud to Barb. But today, I said I was "reading" the dishes.

Chugga Chugga

There was great controversy about how many Chuggas there were before the Choo Choo. Some people say four, some say eight, and some even say twelve. Barb and I thought there was only two. And then we realized we were showing our age because we were thinking of the Chattanooga Choo Choo.