More Spelling

One of my mentees was defending her PhD proposal, and she put my name on the title slide as an advisor. I told her that since my name was on it, I wanted to ensure it was as professional as possible. So, I carefully reviewed her slides the week before her presentation and fixed many things. I was invited to watch her defence today virtually, and in her Title slide, it mentioned that I was an "adviser". She had spelled advisor wrong; I never noticed it, and it was on the first slide. I thought it was so embarrassing. Then I asked Barb how she would spell it, and she didn't know, so she told me to Google it. When I did, I found that both spellings were equally correct. You learn something new every day.

Spelling

 I was working with my INCOSE buddy to develop a certificate of appreciation for the speakers at our webinars. He was working on the different backgrounds and fonts for the letters. He sent it to me asking me what I thought of his draft. It said this is a Certificate for a Presentaion. He had spelled Presentation wrong and didn't notice it. I had to find a polite way to tell him. I wrote a note saying the "Presentation" might be spelled wrong. It was a nice way of saying check your spelling, stupid.

B.O.

 I noticed I had Body Order when I took off my pyjama top in the morning and my shirt at night. I told Barb that I didn't think my deodorant was working anymore and asked her to buy me a different deodorant. She couldn't believe that it had just stopped working after working for so many years. She thought maybe the deodorant dispenser was empty, but it felt heavy. So it wasn't empty. Then she tried it on herself, and nothing came out. The deodorant in the dispenser had turned solid. I never would have realized that I thought it lasted so long, but it was because nothing was coming out.

Closed Captions

Barb watches many British television shows but only watches them if they have closed captions because she can't understand what they are saying because of their accents. She is not reading a mystery book series set in England, Scotland, or Ireland, and she can't understand the dialogue in the books, but unfortunately, there is no closed captioning for books.

Dirty Face

I come into the living room wearing my glasses, and Barb says, "What's on your face?" I thought I had some dirt on my face, like pen marks or something, but she meant my glasses. I was wearing my glasses, but I haven't been wearing them lately because I only need them for driving now.

Blast from the Past

I was at the INCOSE International Workshop, and this very official lady gave a very good presentation. At the end, she gave her contact information, and her email address was @aol.com. What a blast from the past!

Jokester

 While taking my evening walks, I often see the community watch guys driving around. There is one old guy who always stops to talk, and I always ask him to tell me a joke. He has the corniest jokes. Today, he asked, "Do you know the leading cause of dry skin?" Wait for it....

Punchline

 Towels

Sleeve

 We have a water dispenser in the fridge on the left-hand side just inside the door. Today, I was reaching into the fridge for the milk jug for my coffee at a strange angle, and I pressed the water dispenser. The water came pouring out and soaked the sleeve of my sweater.

Dark

Both Barb and I missed all the announcements about Daylight Savings Time. I was up late and noticed something wrong with my phone and my watch, but I was too tired to figure out what the problem was. We were shocked when Barb's alarm went off on Sunday morning at 7:45 a.m., and it was completely dark.

Belt Loop

 I drink a lot of coffee, Diet Coke, and ice water all day, so I have to go pee a lot, and sometimes, I almost don't get to the bathroom. Today, I was walking into the bathroom, and my belt loop got caught in the door knob. I was stopped in my tracks. It took me quite a while to get unhooked because my belt loop was wrapped around the door knob so severely. But I was lucky I didn't have to go that bad, and I didn't pee my pants.

Buckwheat

 Barb's friend, Jeannie, the beekeeper, gave a talk to the Science and Technology Club today. She talked all about honey bees and all the different types of honey. She mentioned that there is medicinal honey called buckwheat honey, an antibiotic. She said here are some pictures of an infected cyst before and after putting buckwheat honey on it. She said the man in this picture is in the audience but doesn't want to be pointed out. It was me. Barb thought I should have stood up and screamed it was me.

Genius or Crazy?

Barb came home from pickleball, found me, and said I was either genius or crazy. I asked what did I do now. She said she was starving when she came home from pickleball and pulled out the container of potato salad, and when she opened it, she found that I had left my spoon in the container. So she didn't have to get a spoon. She said I was either a genius or crazy.

Garbage

Barb woke up early and put out the garbage. Then, that night, she couldn't find her pyjamas. She searched the whole house and couldn't find them. She thought she must have thrown them in the garbage. Finally, she looked again in the drawer of her bedside table, and there they were, neatly folded under her winter pyjamas.

Old Couples

Two old couples came in to play as Barb was leaving the pickleball court today. On the first point, one of the old men was trying to move backward, but he got his feet all tangled up and fell on the ground. He didn't hurt himself, but he was lying on his back with his feet in the air. Then he farted really loudly.

Calendar

 My old iPad can't connect to the computer, but it knows the correct time and the date. However, when I look at my calendar, I see meetings from four years ago.

Hiding

I wanted to take a picture of my new office chair that Barb bought me for Valentine's Day to send to Stan. I was setting up the picture and wanted to hide my Diet Coke can on the desk. So I put the can behind my computer. The next day, I was looking all over for my can holder. I asked Barb if she had seen it, and she said she saw it behind my computer when she came into my office. I would never have found it there.

No News is Good News

I have stopped reading the news because I don't want to think about the situation in the US and the problems it is creating in the world. I used to love reading The Economist, The New Yorker, The New York Times, and The Wall Street Journal. But I had decided to stop even opening the newsletters because I didn't want to know about it. I just wanted to keep my head in the sand for four years, and then I thought things would return to normal. I asked myself what I could read. I said I could read Scientific American. So, one night, I couldn't sleep, and I got out my iPad and started reading old issues. I started with the oldest issue on my iPad from 2017. I started reading from the beginning, and the first three articles were about the terrible situation in the US because he was president in 2017. The articles were about scientists marching against anti-science policies and the crazy alternative facts that were being spread by the US administration. I couldn't get away from it.

My iPad

 Barb was talking about how she likes her Kindle. I said I could read books on my iPad. She said she had an iPad she was not using because she was not playing Yahtzee anymore. I had an iPad I wasn't using, too. It had been left here by the previous owner and was in my bedside table drawer, but it was old, and I thought I wouldn't have the right cable to charge it. I looked in my drawer and found the iPad, and there was a cable in the drawer, too. So, I charged up the iPad that night. Then, the following day, I turned on the iPad and realized why I was not using the iPad. It was so old that it was no longer compatible with our WiFi and couldn't be hooked to the internet. I thought it was a brick. I looked closer at the internet hook-up screen; at the bottom, it said to use offline with iTunes. That might work. I need iTunes to get books on my iPad anyway. I could use the iPad offline as an ebook reader. I hooked the iPad up to my laptop, and iTunes worked automatically. Then, I could quickly transfer books from my computer to my iPad. So, I moved over my collection of Scientific American magazines.

Dark

I was out for my evening walk around the neighbourhood in the dark. I saw a guy standing on a lawn with a dog. I thought it was someone I had seen before, and I said, "Good to see you again." He replied, "Good to see you again too". But I had never seen him before, and I didn't see him this time either because it was dark.

USB

 

After reconnecting Barb's computer to the WiFi, Barb had to find her open websites again. But now the keyboard didn't work. I tried my usual trick of opening a LibreOffice Writer file and start typing, but that didn't work. I tried restarting the computer and doing the LibreOffice trick again, but that still didn't work. Then I looked up the problem on my laptop and they suggested a few commands I could try, but I needed to use the keyboard to type them in. I got the idea to plug in Sarah's USB keyboard, which I used on my broken Windows computer. I plugged it in, and it worked. Then I tried the suggestions, but they still didn't work. I didn't know what to do. So, I restarted it again and did my LibreOffice trick, which worked. Barb then found her websites and is back in business.

Restart

 Barb never turns off her computer; she always has it connected to the television monitor to stop her show halfway through and start it back up where she leaves off. One morning, she woke up and looked at her television; the screen saver was on the monitor. She asked me what had happened. The computer probably did an automatic update because Barb hadn't done the suggested updates manually. However, now, the computer wasn't hooked to our Wi-Fi. In fact, there wasn't even an option to connect to the Wi-Fi. I looked up the problem on my computer, and it told me to do some things, but none worked. While we were trying to fix the problem, Barb shut down her Firefox, lost all of her open website, and was so mad. Then I restarted the computer, which now hooked up to the Wi-Fi again.

Patio

I have stopped wearing my glasses, and it has been great when I am working on the computer, but everything is blurry in the distance. Barb wanted me to drive us somewhere. So I started driving, and halfway down our road, I realized I should have my glasses on. Barb said where are your glasses. I had taken them off to work on my computer on the back porch. When I stopped outside the front of the house and walked around the back, Barb thought I was crazy because I did not drive into the driveway and go through the house to the back patio.

Overdose

Last Saturday night, I drank my after-dinner coffee at 3 a.m. Then, when I finished the coffee, I felt wired from the caffeine. I stayed up until 5:30 a.m. to try to calm down. Then, the following day, I couldn't face a cup of my Tim Horton's Instant coffee and made a cup of Barb's decaffeinated coffee. I have been drinking decaffeinated coffee all week, yawning, having trouble staying awake, and napping between meetings. But that is not all that unusual. Anyway, I have been drinking decaffeinated coffee and haven't been able to stay up as late as I usually do.

Curious

The next day, Barb was up early and saw the garbage men putting the branches of the loquat tree in the truck. She saw one of the guys pick a loquat and eat it. Then he called the driver to come over and try one. They both ate a few, then shrugged their shoulders, threw them in the truck, and drove off.

Lowquats

We have a loquat tree beside our house, and the branches hang down and get in the way of the lawn cutter on his riding mower. We really need to cut those branches off. We were out talking to our neighbours, and they said there were some Mexican kids picking and eating the loquats, and they swished them away. Then he helped me cut the branches and took them to the garbage. While taking them out, I ate quite a few of the loquats, which were quite nice.

Brick

I was having trouble with LibreOffice Writer constantly pausing. It gave me a message that said “LibreOffice Writer is not responding. Do you want to Wait or Stop the program?” I always waited until it came back, but it would take a few seconds, and it was happening all the time. I decided to update and upgrade the operating system. Then, I had to do a restart. But after the restart, I got a message saying “Oops, something went wrong”. Then I couldn't do anything. I tried restarting several times and always got the same message. I thought I had Bricked my computer. I looked it up on my phone, and they showed me how to get around the startup and into the computer and what I needed to change to get it working again. Now, it is working great, but I was pretty scared.

Keyboard

 Occasionally, Barb finds that the keyboard on her Linux computer doesn't work. I looked up a YouTube video on how to fix it. The guy showed how you just have to open a LibreOffice Writer document like a Microsoft Word document and start typing. Then the keyboard works. Why?

Prize

 

Barb went out with her friends to a game of Family Feud at one of the recreation centers. Her team came third. They won a prize. But there was a table of prizes and the first place team got the first choice. Then, the second team got the second choice. Then, Barb's team chose, and Barb made the last choice. The last prize was a jigsaw puzzle. Barb didn't have her glasses, so it just looked blurry. When she got home and found her glasses, she saw she had picked a jigsaw puzzle with a picture of a quilting room. How apropos?

Metal Straw

 I drink my Diet Coke with a metal straw. I usually get three drinks before working: a large glass of ice water, a large cup of coffee, and a Diet Coke. Since I only have two hands, I put the Coke can and my straw in my pockets. I usually put them in my pants pockets, but this time, I put them in my sweater pockets. I went into my office and couldn't find my straw. I searched the house and asked Barb if she had seen my straw. I was finally going to get my backup metal straw when I said to Barb, "You know what?" She looked at me and said, "NOOOO," and I pulled the straw out of my sweater pocket.

Steak

 Talking about looking all over the house, one time, Barb was starting to make dinner, and she took a steak out of the freezer. Later, when the steak had thawed, Barb looked around the kitchen and didn't see the steak. She searched the house and couldn't find the steak. She was fit to be tied. Somehow, she finally found the steak on her ironing board. She must have walked around with the steak and started doing something in the sewing room.

Pyjamas

We have garbage collection here twice a week. We often only put out garbage once a week. Barb was up before the garbage men came, and she gathered some trash to throw out. She removed her pyjamas, put on her house coat, and went outside to put out the garbage. That night she couldn't find her pyjamas. She usually puts them on her pillow. She looked all over the house. She thought she might have thrown them out in the garbage. Finally, she found them in the drawer beside the bed under her winter pyjamas. She was confused about whether she had her summer pyjamas on this morning or her winter pyjamas. She was actually wearing her winter pyjamas that morning.

Co-author

 My paper was accepted for the INCOSE International Symposium in July in Ottawa. I was happy about that. I posted an announcement on LinkedIn and thanked my co-authors, Ken Cureton and Al Thibeault. I used the @ function before their name, but Al's LinkedIn name has about four credentials behind it, and I wanted to delete the credentials. Unfortunately, I accidentally deleted his last name. So, the announcement thanked my co-authors, Ken Cureton and Al. But I didn't see that until Al reposted it. When I saw it, it looked like I had said my co-authors were Ken Cureton and AI. That is artificial intelligence. I quickly edited the post and put in Al's last name. But it was a Freudian slip because I had used ChatGPT to help me write the paper.